Lulubog na ang barko…
June 11, 2006PARI: San Pedro, San Jose…
MADRE: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara…
INTSIK: Lubok na balko! Tawak pa kayo pasahelo!
SI GINO
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO: ‘lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO: ‘lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Ano ba Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!
Blonde Ice Fishing
This blonde really wanted to go ice fishing. She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly—from the sky—a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, even louder: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"
The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!"
IHI
Tanong: Ano ang tunog ng ihi ng dalaga?
Sagot: I wish, I wish, I wish
Tanong: Ano ang tunog ng ihi ng misis?
Sagot: Always, Always, Always
Tanong: Ano ang tunog ng ihi ng biyuda?
Sagot: I miss, I miss, I miss
Tanong: Ano ang tunog ng ihi ng matandang dalaga?
Sagot: Bwisit, bwisit, buwisit
Tupperware Master!
June 9, 2006
Not the parrot!
When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
Sway - Michael Buble
When marimba rhythms start to play
Dance with me, make me sway
Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore
Hold me close, sway me more
Like a flower bending in the breeze
Bend with me, sway with ease
When we dance you have a way with me
Stay with me, sway with me
Other dancers may be on the floor
Dear, but my eyes will see only you
Only you have the magic technique
When we sway I go weak
I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now
Other dancers may be on the floor
Dear, but my eyes will see only you
Only you have the magic technique
When we sway I go weak
I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now
You know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now
Imelda’s Personal Quotes
June 7, 2006
"People say I’m extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, "I am First Lady by accident. I was not elected "If you know how rich you are, you are not rich. But me, I am not aware of the extent of my wealth. That’s how rich we are" "I have a different way of thinking. I think synergistically. I’m not linear in thinking, "I hate ugliness. You know, "Doesn’t the fight for survival also justify swindle and theft? In self defense, anything goes." "It’s the rich you can terrorize. "When they see me holding fish, they can see that I am comfortable with kings "I am beyond logic and rationality." "The problems with First Ladies is that you "My husband does not like me to give interviews because I say too much. No talk, no trouble." "They call me corrupt, frivolous. I am not at all privileged. Maybe the only privileged thing "God is love. I have loved. "We practically own
"Never dress down for the poor. They won’t respect you for it. They want their First Lady "I have never been a material girl. My father always told me never to love anything "It is terribly important to do certain things, such as wear overembroidered dresses. After all, the mass follows class. Class never follows mass." "Win or lose, we go shopping after the election." "I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes,
who wants to be surrounded by garbage?"
by the people but here I am."
I’m not very logical."
I’m allergic to ugliness."
The poor have nothing to lose."
as well as with paupers."
have to set the standard. My role is to be
both star and slave."
is my face. And corrupt? God! I would not look like this if I am corrupt. Some ugliness would settle down on my system."
Therefore, I will go to heaven."
everything in the Philippines."
to look like a million dollars."
that cannot love you back."
I had one thousand and sixty."
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
1) That’s not right = Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive = Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP = Kum Hia
4) Stupid Man = Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse = Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach = Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table = Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift = Chin Tu Fat
9) It’s Very dark in here = Wai So Dim
10) I Thought you were on a diet = Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone = No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week = Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight = Lei Ying Lo
14) He’s cleaning his automobile = Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive = Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great = Fa Kin Su Pah
Lyrics to I WILL SURVIVE 2006 version
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I’d spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on…
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you’ve brought me a French Fry!
I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those jeans!
Go on now - go, walk out the door,
Don’t you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren’t you a brat to think I wouldn’t find you out!?
Don’t you know we’re only joking when we say size don’t count??!!
[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life’s gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
with a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I’m saving all my lovin’ for a cordless multispeed!
[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life’s gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive!!!
Hey!!! Hey!!! 
)
Hey….. Hey….. (*¿*)
Malapascua Pics
June 4, 2006Just added some of the pics that I have taken from our team outing in Malapascua. Such paradise!
Ganito magbigay ng masamang balita
SAPOL
Ni Jarius Bondoc
Ang Pilipino STAR Ngayon 11/26/2005
KUMIRIRING ang telepono nang madaling araw….
"Hello, Master Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, ‘yung katiwala niyo sa bahay-bakasyunan niyo."
"O, Mr. Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Ano’t napatawag ka? May problema ba?
"Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na namatay ang alaga niyong parrot."
"’Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? ‘Yung nanalo sa bird show?
"Opo, Master Carlos, ‘yun na nga po."
"Putris … sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko sa ibong ‘yon. Hay, buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?"
"E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne…."
"Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang nagpakain sa kanya ng bulok na karne?"
"W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang patay na kabayo."
"Patay na kabayo? Anong patay na kabayo, Mr Arnaldo?"
"E, ‘yun pung mga thoroughbred horses niyo, Sir. Namatay po kasi lahat sila sa pagod, kahihila ng kariton ng tubig."
"Nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Anong kariton ng tubbbiiiiggggg?"
"’Yun pong pinampatay namin ng sunog."
"Diyos ko po! Anong sunog naman ‘yang pinagsasasabi mo?"
"’Yun pong halos tumupok sa bahay niyo…. Tumumba po ‘yung isang nakasinding kandila, tapos nagliyab ‘yung kurtina at mabilis
na kumalat ang apoy…."
"Ano? Puuut…. E, may kuryente naman diyan sa bahay-bakasyunan, a. Parasaan ‘yung kandila?"
"Para sa burol po."
"Ano? Kaninong burol?"
"Sa nanay n’yo po, Sir. Bigla kasi siya dumating dito nu’ng isang gabi, walang kaabi-abiso. Lampas hatinggabi na. Akala ko po magnanakaw. Binaril ko."
Equilibrium
The yin and yang. A symbol perfectly blending two polar opposites. A feature may be good alone, but combined with its reverse, creates a perfect harmony.
Aplace for everything, and everything in its place. Passionate lover, fierce fighter; patient like water on a boulder, enlightening like fire from an oil lamp; bursting with confidence but doesn’t act like an airhead; an adviser who practices his own lessons; man enough to admit the truth, yet still sensitive enough to apologize; a good friend, but not someone to reckon.
Perfection. That’s what we aim for. nobody is perfect, but still, aiming for something as noble yet impossible as perfection is better than being stagnant in mediocrity.
We play by our strengths. That’s how we make ourselves acknowledged. We have to be on our toes, keeping up with everyone, but not letting ourselves be carried by the tides. Think of it as Ian Malcom’s "Chaos Theory", "The Red Queen".
In Alice in Wonderland, the queen told Alice to run as fast as she can so that she can remain in the same place. Meaning, if you simply stand still, you’ll be left behind… forgotten.
You also have to remember that you rare unique, just like everyone else. That’s why only dead fishes ‘go with the flow’. You do not necessarily oppose the flow, or the norm. You simply do your thing, your own way. Leave footprints. Make waves. Be noticed, but not in a bad light.
A balance in everything. Work, then play. Criticize, yes, but never forget the power of encouragement: positive reinforcements. It is the best and easiest form of constructive criticizm. Be a mentor who teaches, and be ready for a rebuttal that you may learn something from. Lead, but also consider what is right and listen to what your subordinates are saying. Believe it or not, they chose you. Without them, you won’t have this power.
For the employee, the representative, the waiter, the customer service agent, and the maid: though we may serve them, we are not their servants. A place for everyone, and everyone in their place.
