Kudos Part 1
June 29, 2006OMG! One of my agents got a kudos! Since it was my first, I didn’t know what to do. Heck, I was especially afraid of sending it to the entire network. But a spam is a spam, and I’m proud of my agent’s kudos call. Here it is:
to
Anna Arsenous has this to say:
Medical Dictionary for the Lexically Challenged
Artery - Study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door of a cafeteria
Barium - What doctors do when a patient dies
Bowel - A letter like A,E,I,O,U
Caesarian Section - A district in Rome
Cataract - Weird pontoon boat
Cat Scan - Searching for a Kitty
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her
Colic - A sheep dog
Coma - A punctuation mark
Congenital - Friendly
D & C - Where Washington is
Dilate - To live long
Enema - Not a Friend
Fester - Quicker
Fibula - Small Lie
Genital - Non-Jewish
G.I. Series - Soldier Ball Game
Hangnail - To Hang Pictures on
Impotent - Distinguished; well known
Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff - Doctor’s Cane
Morbid - Higher Offer
Nitrate - Different from Day Rate
Node - Was aware of
Outpatient - Person who has fainted
Papsmear - Fatherhood Test
Pelvis - Cousin of Elvis
Postoperative - Letter Carrier
Prostate - Flat on your back
Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery
Rectum - Darn near killed him
Secretion - Hiding something
Seizure - Roman Emperor
Tablet - Small table
Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the Airport
Tibia - Country in North Africa
Tumor - Add a couple more
Urine - Opposite of "You’re out."
Varicose - Nearby
Vein - Conceited
Computer Terminology
State-of-the-art - The computer you want, but can’t afford.
Obsolete - The computer you own.
Nanosecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
GUI (pronounced "gooey") - What your computer becomes after spilling your beverage on it.
Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse - An advanced input device to generate computer errors easier.
Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a state-of-the-art
computer.
Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at
home, on vacation, and on business trips.
Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
System Update - Quickest method of trashing ALL of your software.
Maria, a beautiful Latina fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her papa. Papa told her, "Maria, you’ll have to find another. Your Madre does not know this, but Jose is your half-brother".
So Maria forgot about her Jose, and soon planned to marry Ricardo. But after telling papa again, he said, "Maria otra vez there’s trouble still. You cannot marry Ricardo, mi hija. Please don’t tell your mother, but Ricardo and Jose are your half-brothers."
Maria had no choice but to go to her mama. Mama already knew and said "Mi hija, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Jose because you are not related to Papa."
OLD ITALIAN MAFIA DON IS DYING AND HE CALLS HIS GRANDSON TO HIS BEDSIDE.
GRANDPA: I WANNA YOU LISINA TO ME. I WANNA FOR YOU TO TAKA MY CHROMA-PLATED .38 REVOLVER SO YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBERA ME.’
GRANDSON "BUT GRANDPA; I REALLY DON ‘T LIKE GUNS; HOW ABOUT YOU LEAVING ME YOUR ROLEX WATCH INSTEAD.
GRANDPA: "YOU LISINA TO ME. SOMMA DAY YOU GONNA BE RUNNA DA BUSINESS ; YOU GONNA HAVE A BEAUTIFUL WIFE, LOTSA MONEY, A BIG HOME AND MAYBEE A COUPLA BAMBINO.
SOMMA DAY YOU GONNA COMA HOME AND MAYBE FINDA YOU WIFE INNA BED WITH ANOTHER MAN.
‘’WHATA YOU GONNA DO THEN? ‘’POINTA TO YOUR WATCH AND SAY; TIME’S UP?"
Nagging Wife
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You canhave her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."
The man thought about it and said he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance."
..
