A Transplant
June 17, 2006Two guys are drinking together at a bar and go into the bathroom. Standing at the latrine, Bill notices that his buddy is very well endowed.
"Wasn’t always that way," the buddy says. "It’s a transplant. I had it done over on Harley Street. It cost a thousand bucks, but as you can see, it’s well worth every cent."
So Bill visits the doctor on Harley Street that day. Six months later, the two guys meet up again at the bar. Bill explains, "I took your advice, but you were robbed. I got mine for $500, not a thousand."
They go back to the restroom to compare. "No wonder," his buddy says, "That’s my old one!".
1..2..3!
After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform in bed anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to witch doctor. The witch doctor tells , "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke…….. The witch doctor says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say ‘123′ and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it’s over?" The witch doctor says "all you have to say is ‘1234′ and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!"
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news……. So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets a massive erection. His wife turns over and says "What did you say ‘123′ for?
James Bond’s Special Watch
James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?" Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What’s it telling you now?" "Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I’m wearing panties!" Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing’s an hour fast."
What Size?
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk?
"Gee, I don’t know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the
crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and
leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4.
Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays,
and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I’ve never done this before. I don’t
know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him
and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"
BEFORE YOUR LOVE - Kelly Clarkson
Baby, this one’s for you. I don’t know how to sing this, but the wording is just… it’s like it came from MY heart. I didn’t know how to tell you how I really feel now that we’re together, so here goes:
I wonder how I ever made it through a day
How did I settle for a world in shades of gray
When you go in circles all the scenery looks the same
And you don’t know why and I looked into your eyes
Where the world stretched out in front of me and I realized
I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again, I wasn’t really living
I never lived, before your love
I wanted more than just an ordinary life
All of my dreams seemed like castles in the sky
I stand before you and my heart is in your hands
And I don’t know how I survived without your kiss
‘Cause you’ve given me a reason to exist
And I don’t know why
Why the sun decides to shine
But you breathed your love into me just in time
Frank Lee meets Honest Lee
Ignorance may be bliss, but he’s just so good at telling the truth! He’s man enough to face it.
The other day, his bestfriend, who for five years became his partner, sent a text message to him saying that he just broke up with HIS partner, and would he please, please come with him to Mango Square for some drinks, and maybe pick-up a guy or two. He took the time to tell me their story from the past, and simply requested to give him permission to go with his bestfriend.
He said he will remain faithful and will not, under any circumstances, flirt with anyone. I didn’t set that condition, he did! *sigh…*
Who was I to intervene from his responsibility as a friend and ex? So I said go ahead, but please be careful. I hope I didn’t make the mistake again by giving too much allowance for freedom. It’s his life, anyway, and he has complete license to do as he pleases, right?
He’s just so honest. And I admire him for being so honest to me. It’s so refreshing to experience such a rare quality as honesty in this masked, backstabbing world that we’re living in.
Baby, this one’s for you! ^_^
James Blunt - You´re Beautiful Lyrics
My life is
brilliant.
My life is brilliant
My love is
pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I’m sure.
She
smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won’t lose no sleep on that,
‘Cause
I’ve got a plan.
You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s
true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I
don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be
with you.
Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked
on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking
high,
And I don’t think that I’ll see her
again,
But we shared a moment that will last ’till the
end.
You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in
a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.
La la la
la la la la la la
You’re beautiful. You’re
beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she
thought up that I should be with you.
But it’s time to
face the truth,
I will never be with you.
