Kudos Part 1

OMG! One of my agents got a kudos! Since it was my first, I didn’t know what to do. Heck, I was especially afraid of sending it to the entire network. But a spam is a spam, and I’m proud of my agent’s kudos call. Here it is:

to

Anna  Arsenous has this to say:

Medical Dictionary for the Lexically Challenged

Artery - Study of paintings

Bacteria - Back door of a cafeteria

Barium - What doctors do when a patient dies

Bowel - A letter like A,E,I,O,U

Caesarian Section - A district in Rome

Cataract - Weird pontoon boat

Cat Scan - Searching for a Kitty

Cauterize - Made eye contact with her

Colic - A sheep dog

Coma - A punctuation mark

Congenital - Friendly

D & C  - Where Washington is

Dilate - To live long

Enema - Not a Friend

Fester - Quicker

Fibula - Small Lie

Genital - Non-Jewish

G.I. Series - Soldier Ball Game

Hangnail - To Hang Pictures on

Impotent - Distinguished; well known

Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff - Doctor’s Cane

Morbid - Higher Offer

Nitrate - Different from Day Rate

Node - Was aware of

Outpatient - Person who has fainted

Papsmear - Fatherhood Test

Pelvis - Cousin of Elvis

Postoperative - Letter Carrier

Prostate - Flat on your back

Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery

Rectum - Darn near killed him

Secretion - Hiding something

Seizure - Roman Emperor

Tablet - Small table

Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the Airport

Tibia - Country in North Africa

Tumor - Add a couple more

Urine - Opposite of "You’re out."

Varicose - Nearby

Vein - Conceited

Computer Terminology

State-of-the-art - The computer you want, but can’t afford.

Obsolete - The computer you own.

Nanosecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

GUI (pronounced "gooey") - What your computer becomes after spilling your beverage on it.

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to generate computer errors easier.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a state-of-the-art
computer.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at
home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

System Update - Quickest method of trashing ALL of your software.

Maria, a beautiful Latina fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her papa. Papa told her, "Maria, you’ll have to find another. Your Madre does not know this, but Jose is your half-brother".

So Maria forgot about her Jose, and soon planned to marry Ricardo. But after telling papa again, he said, "Maria otra vez there’s trouble still. You cannot marry Ricardo, mi hija. Please don’t tell your mother, but Ricardo and Jose are your half-brothers."

Maria had no choice but to go to her mama. Mama already knew and said "Mi hija, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Jose because you are not related to Papa."

OLD ITALIAN MAFIA DON IS DYING AND HE CALLS HIS GRANDSON TO HIS BEDSIDE.

GRANDPA: I WANNA YOU LISINA TO ME. I WANNA FOR YOU TO TAKA MY CHROMA-PLATED .38 REVOLVER SO YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBERA ME.’

GRANDSON "BUT GRANDPA; I REALLY DON ‘T LIKE GUNS; HOW ABOUT YOU LEAVING ME YOUR ROLEX WATCH INSTEAD.

GRANDPA: "YOU LISINA TO ME. SOMMA DAY YOU GONNA BE RUNNA DA BUSINESS ; YOU GONNA HAVE A BEAUTIFUL WIFE, LOTSA MONEY, A BIG HOME AND MAYBEE A COUPLA BAMBINO.

SOMMA DAY YOU GONNA COMA HOME AND MAYBE FINDA YOU WIFE INNA BED WITH ANOTHER MAN.

‘’WHATA YOU GONNA DO THEN? ‘’POINTA TO YOUR WATCH AND SAY; TIME’S UP?"

Nagging Wife

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You canhave her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and said he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance."

Mr. Ohio in Trouble (encoded for someone’s safety)

Let’s just call him Mr. Ohio, since his character is aptly named as one of the cities in that state.

So we have Mr. Ohio (you understand that this is a code, right?). He is sweet, most people would agree. But my closest friends somehow disagree. And a part of me agrees with their viewpoint. It doesn’t make any sense that he’s a couple of years older than me, yet from the way he acts, it’s as if I’m the older one. Do I need Stresstabs already?

Nah. I am the mature one. Yeah, that’s right. I am mature. That’s why kalbo and I think the same way.

And all of them agree: he’s not good enough for me. Why bother?

Trust? Trash.

Fuck! Sideways!

What the?! I’m screwed.

A Quickie…

Hirap ng madalian.
‘Kapagod!
Sakit ng likod ko…
Ba’t ba ganito?!
Inutusan lang naman ako.
Sige hintay na lang ako.
Tagal naman kasi ni Wackow eh.

…

…

N, NO IT’S NOT LIKE THAT!
Nagbablog lang po!
Tagal kasi n’ya gumawa ng report.
Killing time lang naman ako eh!
Kaya eto, isang QUICKIE with I.ph!
Hehehe…
(Kapal naman, ikukwiki ko cya?! As if!)

Private Emotion - Ricky Martin

Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray
And it shines on you baby can’t you see
You’re the only one who can shine for me

[CHORUS:]
It’s a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me
Come to me

When your soul is tired and your heart is weak
Do you think of love as one way street
Well it runs both ways, open up your eyes
Can’t you see me here, how can you deny

[CHORUS]

Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray
It takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by
But you can find me here till your tears run dry

[CHORUS]

Touching Story

A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in  love with a guy who was a cleaner.

When the girl’s father came to know about their love, he did not  like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes  for a happy future. The girl’s father started searching for the two lovers but   could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a   local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home. The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in   white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit  him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometimes that  she recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was the very  next day because he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl’s mother had a dream in which she saw an  old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of  the guy from her daughter’s dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it. Then   when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and   told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had  the same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.

Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady  gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something  terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the  stains, and  the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home,  someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same  old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up… and gave her a blue object, which  shocked the girl. She asked "What is this…?" The old lady replied…

"Try Surf Excel Washing powder… just a dab and it will remove all  stubborn stains!!!".

I know how you all are feeling now… I have been through this too. But don’t look at me like that .. I’m also hunting for the one  who  mailed this to me!

My Daughters

I know I’m just a replacement mentor. But I can’t help but be proud of my "daughters". They have showed a remarkable progress from our first meeting. It’s like having a child one day, then next thing you know, your child is no longer yours. They have grown.

But like all parents *cough* I will miss them when they graduate from A-Bay (academy bay: training before being distributed to their new teams).

I’m so proud of them, I’ll show them to you, guys…

Carlo Cañete                                Anna Marie Alboro


Rita Florence Borja                      Sheila Lou Ceballos

These are my first mentees. C’mon, guys, make me proud! ^_^

Oh, by the way, you will be able to view some of the pics from our company outing! ^_^

New Power; New Responsibility

Natatandaan n’yo ba yung sinulat ko na hindi ako natanggap sa pagkamentor? Hay, nako, ang kalbo niloko na naman ako! Tsk, tsk, tsk, di talaga dapat pagkatiwalaan ang mga kalbo. Grrr~!

Pero, eto at mentor na pala ako. Certified, true and correct. Parang nung wala pa akong chuvalah, I was single, available, and negotiable. Tama ba yun?

Einywei, highway, expressway, so ayun. Ang akala ko naman sa 26 pa ‘ko magkakaron ng mga mentees. So ang bata, confident, wala lang, noh…

Eh, sobra naman pala yung ginawa ni Daddy Earl. Nakapasa ang loka sa panel interview para sa Sup Trainee! O, diba, tapos ayaw pa niyang manilawa? Sinabi ko naman na kasing iilang tao lang naman ang pinagdadasal ko, at sa mga important events lang. Tapos pa non, may tiwala rin naman akong paipapasa niya talaga yung interview. Sabihin na lang nating nabighani ni gaga ang mga lola na TMs. Ano nga ba yung sabi ni RJ na biochems ni Saia? Ummm… BONGGANOTCH… parang tama. Uh huh.

Hirap ng ganitong salita, ha, di ko carry. As in. Salt. Grabeh.

So there. Tapos nga, since pasado si gaga, yung mga mentees niya wala nang mentor. Eh san na yung relationship? So ako naman, isa pang gaga, sa akin pinasa ang mga naaaaaaapakakyut na mga anghel *ahem* (pero ako pa rin ang piiiiiiiiinaka kyut sa lahat). Drama masyado yung isang gaga, so itong gaga na ito medyo natakot ng konti. Di alam ni gaga na natakot tong gaga na to. Gets nyo? Kung hindi, wag na. Kebs. ^_^

Hehehe… may maaasar na kong mga reps! Saya! Di naman harrassment. Mild lang. WAAAH-Pak!

It’s your smile - Modern Talking

I cry the whole night, just for you
My tears will dry, that is true
But I can’t live without you one more day
You’re always in my heart, I swear
And if you call, I’ll be there
But I can’t live without you one more night
And I promise I will touch the sky
If you ask me baby I will die
Oh babe I saved my life only for you

Refrain:
It’s your smile, what makes my heartbeat fast
It’s your smile, and it will last
I know, that you the one for me
It’s your smile, I can never let you go
It’s your smile, it always shows
I know, that you’re the one for me

You mean everything to me
Day in day out you’re a mystery
And I can’t live without you one more day
And everyday is a new day
And I can’t sleep, to see you stay
Before my eyes my love can’t let you go
And I promise I will catch a star
Move a mountain, even I know so far
Oh babe I saved my life only for you

A Transplant

Two guys are drinking together at a bar and go into the bathroom. Standing at the latrine, Bill notices that his buddy is very well endowed.

"Wasn’t always that way," the buddy says. "It’s a transplant. I had it done over on Harley Street. It cost a thousand bucks, but as you can see, it’s well worth every cent."

So Bill visits the doctor on Harley Street that day. Six months later, the two guys meet up again at the bar. Bill explains, "I took your advice, but you were robbed. I got mine for $500, not a thousand."

They go back to the restroom to compare. "No wonder," his buddy says, "That’s my old one!".

The art.com thing I made while waiting for the end of my shift. Hmmm…

1..2..3!

After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform in bed anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."

Finally the psychiatrist refers him to witch doctor. The witch doctor tells , "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke…….. The witch doctor says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say ‘123′ and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it’s over?" The witch doctor says "all you have to say is ‘1234′ and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!"

The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news……. So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets a massive erection. His wife turns over and says "What did you say ‘123′ for?

James Bond’s Special Watch

James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?" Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What’s it telling you now?" "Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I’m wearing panties!" Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing’s an hour fast."

What Size?

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

"What size?" asks the clerk?

"Gee, I don’t know."

"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the
crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and
leaves quickly.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4.
Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays,
and leaves.

A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.

"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I’ve never done this before. I don’t
know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him
and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"

BEFORE YOUR LOVE - Kelly Clarkson

Baby, this one’s for you. I don’t know how to sing this, but the wording is just… it’s like it came from MY heart. I didn’t know how to tell you how I really feel now that we’re together,  so here goes:

I wonder how I ever made it through a day
How did I settle for a world in shades of gray
When you go in circles all the scenery looks the same
And you don’t know why and I looked into your eyes
Where the world stretched out in front of me and I realized

I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again, I wasn’t really living
I never lived, before your love

I wanted more than just an ordinary life
All of my dreams seemed like castles in the sky
I stand before you and my heart is in your hands
And I don’t know how I survived without your kiss
‘Cause you’ve given me a reason to exist

And I don’t know why
Why the sun decides to shine
But you breathed your love into me just in time